3.11.2009

愛得不足夠


Fun 介紹了《星期日檔案》關於港女的專題﹐因為離開香港太久﹐已和香港人的生活及精神面貌嚴重脫節﹐所以不太清楚這些女性的行為和價值觀究竟有多普遍或有多嚴重。雖說自己沒有和港女交往的機會及經驗﹐也認識不了一兩個這樣的親戚朋友﹐然而兩性在溝通﹑感情及價值上的分歧﹐並不局限於港男港女。早在上世紀90年代初期﹐北美不就出現了流行心理學家John Gray 寫了《Men Are From Mars﹐ Women Are From Venus》 一本暢銷書及辦了一系列盤滿缽滿的講座﹖當然人和人之間的相處及感情極度複雜﹐莫衷一是﹐無法以科學定理權威性地梳理歸納。然而如何令一段感情歷久常新﹐一對伴侶如何溝通成長﹐的確和我們的樂有極大的關連﹐不能說只是紙上談兵。

《星期日檔案》重提某「相處之道」的文章﹐某女性站出來澄清立場﹐指出她的論點並非拜金主義﹐只是以「你把所有積蓄收入交出來﹐由我管理」作為感情關係的試金石之一。前一段感情﹐男方猶豫﹐女方認為那是男方「愛得不足夠」。到了現任丈夫﹐男方答應了﹐女方認為男方夠豪氣﹐是可以付託終身的對像﹐也用以證實她的論據﹐認為真正的感情應該凌駕於金錢物質之上云云。

其實感情關係(男女/男男/女女) 到了某一階段﹐總會到達談論共同理財的話題上。這是生活的一部份﹐不能說是物質主義。然而當聽到該女性侃侃地說出一句「你把所有積蓄收入交出來﹐由我管理」﹐發現二人還是分了彼此。為什麼不說
將來「我們」同開聯名戶口﹐一切重要支出「共同」決定處理﹖男方也深知道要不答應女方的要求﹐把所有積蓄收入交出來女方可能撒手便走魚與熊掌既不可兼得﹐男方當然只好「視錢財如糞土」了。然而這種0/100的相處方法﹐未免近乎要挾﹐只證明單方如何作出讓步﹐既非代表這種財政安排最適合他們﹐也不一定代表了兩人相互「愛得足夠」遑論拿出來作為模範感情的參考藍本。

有很多伴侶只有一個聯名戶口﹐
一切一目了然﹔有一些財政獨立各自為政﹔也有一些是兩者兼施﹐柴米油鹽共同銷費來自聯名戶口﹐其餘開支來自私人戶口自負盈虧。這些安排各適其式﹐沒有對錯可言﹐只在於兩人如何取得共識﹐是否適合他們的性格及生活方式。也遇到過一些伴侶從經驗中汲取教訓﹐從一種財政安排轉入另一種安排﹐並非黑白立判。覺得那位女性結婚這麼多年﹐口中還掛著你你我我﹐有點突兀。個人臆猜背後還是說明了女方缺乏安全感﹐多於為了證明「感情凌駕於金錢物質之上」。

嘴裡說
感情不應斤斤計較﹐然而還是鈿銖必記。愛得足夠與否﹐變成了雙重標準。

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

These 港女 are getting worse and think that they are in love if men are willing to give them everything they want, especially $$. I remember women in HK were not like that growing up in the 80s but since I moved back a few years ago, a lot of women that I know of in HK are very typical 港女!

galaxy said...

最尾個句中正那位某女性的心態

best actor said...

anonymous:

it's kinda sad to see some 港女 spend so much time, energy and $ on their appearance and care so abysmally little about their knowledge and inner beauty.

galaxy:

那位某女性真是不敢恭維。

ks said...

Why does a relationship need to be tested? Is its core not based on how each other's feelings? I am annoyed by Cheung's points raised except one - in today's business world, women are in an advantageous position given their better communication and other soft skills.

best actor said...

life is full of trials and tribulations already, there is definitely no need to put in extra tests for the people one loves (or claims to love).

when she said about women are better with communications and other soft skills, i am not sure it is *always* true. there are a lot of slick and persuasive 世界仔 out there too!

LinkWithin

Related Posts with Thumbnails