頤指氣使

最近在阿瑪遜郵購了三本書﹐開始了久違的啃書馬拉松﹐迎接炎夏的來臨﹐不亦悅乎。這三名新歡分別是Walter Krin 的《Up in the Air》(《寡佬飛行日記》的原著﹐小說和電影頗有出入)、Marguerite Yourcenar 的《Memoirs of Hadrian》(英語版) 及Tina Fey 的《Bossypants》。感覺自己有點像《神探俏嬌娃》裡的查理﹐三本書各有莊諧嫵媚之處﹐置身其中﹐享盡花團錦簇的溫柔。

 Tina Fey 的《Bossypants》在本年四月五日出版﹐對我這個從來後知後覺的文盲來說﹐算是新鮮出爐的書籍。毫無疑問﹐天娜飛女士真的是流行文化的大姐大。她從《The Second City》嶄露頭角﹐在《SNL》平步青雲﹐最後成為芸芸鬼才之首﹐榮登女主筆的交椅﹐搞笑創作的功力有目共睹。繼而她更自立門戶﹐自製、自編、自演﹐《30  Rock》一劇自面世以來贏得好評如潮﹐於2008及2009年連奪金球、艾美等年度獎項﹐威風一時無倆(繼而遜位於《Glee》及《Modern Family》兩名後起之秀)。2008年美國總統大選時﹐此女兵不血刃﹐搖身一變﹐把共和黨副總統候選人Sarah Palin 的神韻動靜演繹模仿得無微不至﹐把真人的不學無術調侃諷刺得體無完膚﹐可說為天下有識見的女性出了一口氣。

因為看過「棟篤笑」(stand-up comedy)能手Bob Smith 的《Openly Bob》和《Way to Go﹐Smith!》﹐及Eddie Sarfaty的《Mental》﹐已習慣了不把這類型書種當作自傳看待﹐是以沒有如何較真。不是說搞笑高手的作品沒有誠信﹐然而他們的作品能讓人捧腹大笑﹐要訣並不在事實求證﹐而是藉著神來之筆﹐諷刺眾生。很多報章的書評都說天娜飛這本自傳把自己生平一些故事跳過不提﹐例如她臉上疤痕的底蘊或和丈夫交往的過程﹐那便是犯了較真的毛病。這類幽默書種的史實﹐凡事信三分﹐已足夠有餘﹐深究無益。

書本大部份的篇幅都是自嘲自娛。說穿了這是一個害羞內向的灰姑娘長大成為頤指氣使的神仙教母的奇妙旅程。作者不亢不卑、敢去摘星的態度﹐充滿了鼓舞人心的作用。這本書雖然不是字字珠璣﹐然而像十面埋伏﹐幽默感驟然突襲﹐教人防不勝防。

天娜飛的筆風從容嫻熟﹐才華不容置疑。全書章節獨立﹐不必一氣呵成地追看﹐節奏隨意。看書如跟真人一席話﹐說不出的輕鬆愉快﹐金句讓人回味不已。

• 關於眉毛﹕"Instead of trying to fit an impossible ideal, I took a personal inventory of all my healthy body parts for which I am grateful: Straight Greek eyebrows. They start at the hairline at my temple and, left unchecked, will grow straight across my face and onto yours."
    
• 關於優越感﹕"My proudest moment as a child was the time I beat my uncle Pierre at Scrabble with the seven-letter word FARTING."
    
• 關於母乳﹕"No other formula gives your baby a better start in life except that stuff that comes out of you for free."
    
• 關於Oprah﹕"By the way, when Oprah Winfrey is suggesting you may have overextended yourself, you need to examine your f**king life."
    
• 關於Sarah Palin﹕"And, you know, politics aside, the success of Sarah Palin and women like her is good for all women - except, of course —those who will end up, you know, like, paying for their own rape ‘kit ‘n’ stuff, But for everybody else, it’s a win-win. Unless you’re a gay woman who wants to marry your partner of 20 years - whatever. But for most women, the success of conservative women is good for all of us. Unless you believe in evolution. You know - actually, I take it back. The whole thing’s a disaster."
     
• 關於無知政客﹕"Politics and prostitution have to be the only jobs where inexperience is considered a virtue. In what other profession would you brag about not knowing stuff? “I’m not one of those fancy Harvard heart surgeons. I’m just an unlicensed plumber with a dream and I’d like to cut your chest open.” The crowd cheers."
    
  
• 關於改變別人﹕"Don’t waste your energy trying to educate or change opinions; go over, under, through, and opinions will change organically when you’re the boss. Or they won’t. Who cares? Do your thing, and don’t care if they like it."
    
• 關於美容要訣﹕"If you retain nothing else, always remember the most important rule of beauty, which is: who cares?"
    
• 關於同性戀﹕"Gay people don’t actually try to convert people. That’s Jehovah’s Witnesses you’re thinking of."
   
• 關於攝影師﹕"There are different types of fancy photographers. Some are big, fun personalities like Mario Testino, who once told me, “Lift your chin, darling, you are not eighteen.” I enjoyed his honesty. Also, I’m pretty sure he says that to models who are nineteen."
    
• 關於Photoshop﹕"A lot of women are outraged by the use of Photoshop in magazine photos. I say a lot of women because I have yet to meet one man who could give a fat turd about the topic. Not even a gay man. I feel about Photoshop the way some people feel about abortion. It is appalling and a tragic reflection on the moral decay of our society… unless I need it, in which case, everybody be cool. Do I think Photoshop is being used excessively? Yes. I saw Madonna’s Louis Vuitton ad and honestly, at first glance, I thought it was Gwen Stefani’s baby. Do I worry about overly retouched photos giving women unrealistic expectations and body image issues? I do. I think that we will soon see a rise in anorexia in women over seventy. Because only people over seventy are fooled by Photoshop. Only your great-aunt forwards you an image of Sarah Palin holding a rifle and wearing an American-flag bikini and thinks it’s real."